Cathy O'Brien as a child

Have You Seen My Childhood?

Children who are abused, sex trafficked, and controlled are easiest recognized by those who have survived it.

This view into my childhood is in response to numerous concerned non-victims asking what it looked like with intent of learning to better recognize abused children whose silent pleas for help otherwise go unheard.

My eyes were already exhibiting trauma by the time I was 4.  I knew that my father’s camera indicated sexual activity, and my eyes were wide open trying to see what painful trauma might be approaching as he snapped the above photo.

This defense mechanism develops naturally with abuse, resulting in 44x visual acuity which is akin to having eyes in the back of the head.

With eyes wide open, whites of eyes are prevalent, blink response is disrupted, while pupils often dilate.

Horrifically abused children are often recruited by the military or for professional sports because their 44x visual acuity is an extreme advantage for making a shot with pin point accuracy.  

Additionally, the brain automatically shuts down neuron pathways around trauma, repressing it deep into the subconscious so the rest of the mind can develop or function normally. When abuse is repetitive such as occurred with my father’s sexual abuse, the part of my mind conditioned to deal with that particular trauma would trigger open to deal with it again and again as needed. This dissociative extreme is professionally defined as ‘the mind’s sane defense to trauma too horrible to comprehend’.

It never occurred to me to talk about my father’s sexual abuse when it wasn’t happening, since that memory was again repressed deep into the dark corners of my mind. If someone has asked me if I was being “abused” I could not have related to the concept because my whole world was saturated in it to the point where my experience seemed “normal”.

Repressed Memory is not filed under “Abuse” in the brain, and therefore abused children will not respond to questions such as “are you being abused?”

As more and more compartments occur in the brain repressing memory of varying traumas such as sexual assault, sex trafficking, pornography, occultism, etc., more and more conscious thought is lost. With neuron pathways shut down, there is no inner-communication within the mind- no ability to think with any continuity of thought. With no capacity for inner-communication or continuity of thought, there is no capacity for awareness of time.

With no concept of time, there is no concept of distance. Geography is often distorted, as is spatial awareness. Abused children rarely know right from left, the time of day, what day or year it is, and may not be appropriately dressed for temperature.

Since one compartment does not know what the other is doing, the brain does not register exhaustion. Heightened endurance results, which may appear as hyper-activity or even signal sleep deprivation. When sleep deprivation is deliberately imposed on top of that, the brain stays exhausted from lack of sleep while the body knows no limits!

Heightened endurance may appear as hyper-activity.

Sleep, food, and water deprivation are components of MK Ultra’s scientific formula as each starves the brain of health in its own way, further heightening suggestibility.

Our brains photographically record events surrounding trauma. It is why when you hear “Kennedy Assassination” you see the bullet hitting his head, or when you hear “9-11” you see the plane flying into the twin towers. Both of these events were deliberately enhanced by the media’s repetition of that trauma, and repetition is the most basic form of mind control.

This photographic mechanism is how mind control programming occurs.  The CIA thought what better place to store government secrets than in the brain of someone who cannot think to bring photographically recorded program to mind unless triggered. Just as my father’s sexual abuse triggered the part of my mind conditioned to his abuse to deal with him again and again as needed, a programmed word, tone, or hand signal can be substituted to trigger repressed photographic programming into activation.

Understanding this aspect of programmed mind brain function makes it easier to recognize and understand a survivor of horrific abuse who has been triggered. Often they begin spewing information in long drawn out photographic detail.

If you hear someone doing this, you likely will notice their eyes are wide open with whites showing around their unblinking, traumatized enlarged pupils. This is a strong indication that the victim/survivor needs to be writing out that memory in order to heal from it. Verbalizing it is akin to reliving it, which is why it is so detailed and graphic. Simply suggest they write it out by hand, which allows for healing to occur.

(Moving a pen activates the logic part of the brain, shifting emotionally incomprehensible trauma over to logic where it can then be consciously dealt with, thus opening neuron pathways to repressed memory. Typing does not do the same thing. See PTSD: Time to Heal)

Once triggered, a victim/survivor may feel a need to hurry up and say it all before they forget it again. It is why survivors so often interrupt with urgency to share what they know. Stop them anyway and tell them to write it out.

It is not uncommon for a survivor to say they can’t write it out. Hand them the pen and paper anyway and say, “who told you that? -write it out”.

If this is occurring with a young child, listen quietly and be mindful not to ask leading questions. Leading questions are harmful to a highly suggestible mind. Ask, “who did that?” rather than “did daddy do that?” Better yet, for a child, they may do well to draw a picture of the event because moving that crayon still activates the logic part of the brain which may actually open neuron pathways and free repressed memory.

TRANCE Formation of America

TRANCE Formation of America is the documented autobiography of a survivor of government mind control. Cathy O’Brien is the only vocal and recovered survivor of the Central Intelligence Agency’s MK-Ultra Project Monarch mind control operation.


By the time I started school, the foundations of global education (later termed Common Core) were already being introduced into the Michigan school system. This deliberate indoctrination picked up where Hitler’s Youth training left off, since the formula for mind control had been imported into the US in the wake of WWII through Project Paperclip. Michigan became reputed as #1 in the nation for education, which in reality meant #1 in indoctrination.

My father had become wealthy on his 6th grade education through selling child pornography of me, and more recently, from selling me into CIA MK Ultra mind control at local politician Gerald Ford’s behest.

With my father’s new wealth, we moved into a house in the Bluffton area of Muskegon. 3369 Thompson was right in the heart of tourist areas, 1 block from Muskegon Lake, and 1 block from Lake Michigan. It was a short walk to school, which I’d hoped would be a safe place.

It was not. Muskegon was like a petri-dish of CIA experimentation, and eventually became infamous as an epicenter of pedophilic activity. Heightened suggestibility and photographic memory of sexually abused children became a focus of CIA study in Muskegon’s education system.

By the time I started kindergarten, I was a voracious reader. I had learned to read at age 4 through memorizing story time at Hackley Library. I got excellent grades in school because of my photographic memory.

Yet, as my daughter would so brilliantly state to her teacher years later, “programmed information is not applicable knowledge.”

Abused children do not think to creatively apply, critically analyze, or research information. It is just information programmed into their impressionable minds, which they parrot back verbatim when asked.

My first day in kindergarten went well until it was nap time. It was my conditioning that “nap time” was when my father came in for sex. To compound the confusion, one of my classmates was my “boyfriend” from child pornography. When my teacher announced nap time, my “boyfriend” and I went into the coat room and rolled out our mats together and did what we were conditioned to do. My teacher walked in since we were not “napping” next to our assigned desks and found we were not “napping” at all. I was sent to the Principal’s office.

Children acting out sexually is a learned behavior and is not “normal” as the pedophile agenda asserts.

The school Principal was my “boyfriend’s” father who told me nap time was to be spent in his office from now on. Since he was also a member of my grandfather’s Blue Masonic Lodge and friend of Gerald Ford, it was easy to see how and why he was placed as Principal for implementing the CIA’s initial foundations for global education.

Strategic placement of complicit perpeTraitors perpetuated my perception that pedophilia was the way of the world. It certainly appeared that way in my world!

My dissociation deepened, and I would often sit at my desk staring out the window with no thought until my teacher would reprimand, “stop daydreaming in class.” Day Dreaming? I was already losing my ability to even dream at night due to sleep deprivation.

Fortunately for me, Big Pharma had yet to medicate children suffering from dissociation, now often renamed “attention deficit disorder.”

Pharmaceuticals mask mind control’s appearance by repressing memory further and inhibiting the brain’s photographic memory defense mechanism.


People in my neighborhood revered my father for his association with Ford. Generations of conditioning kept people looking outside themselves to authority, which further confused my perceptions. It seemed my new neighborhood condoned pedophilia, too, especially when my father was appointed little league coach in my grade school amidst cheers and applause. Pedophiles often find reason to be around children.

Deep inside myself, though, I still hoped for someplace in the world where people would not hurt each other.

My Catholic church, St. Francis deSales, was complicit in MK Ultra mind control’s CIA Jesuit alliance termed New World Order of the Rose. Boston’s Cardinal Law of the now infamous Catholic Child Abuse Scandal had taught my father how to raise me in the project through manipulation of my subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind is quite literal, so phrases like my father’s quip, “you earn your keep, and I’ll keep what you earn” went into my subconscious mind like program. The Jesuit “Rite to remain silent” eroded my innate right to free speech through torturous, satanic program. Most abused children are programmed “not to tell” or are coerced into silence with threats of killing pets or loved ones.

Satanic blood rituals are among the most horrific traumas on the human mind. Priests who ritually and sexually abused me proclaimed they were anointed to intercede to God for me since I was so sinful?

Mind control disrupts a capacity for a moral compass, which is compounded by satanic reversals and injustice.

My brain was so compartmentalized from torturous trauma that conscious thought was nearly non-existent.  MK Ultra mind control overrode my own thoughts with commands from my programmers, until I only heard their voices in my head directing my actions.

Abused children will often put their hands over their ears trying to shut out voices in their heads, and cover or rub their eyes from seeing trauma replaying in their mind.

There was no where I could turn for help, not even within myself. I couldn’t ask for help from my parents, grandparents, neighbors, church, school, or even from the law enforcement, judges, and politicians who attended my grandfather’s Blue Masonic Lodge. 

I remember my last free thought was to pray that God would choose me to be a nun rather than a chosen one for MK Ultra. My prayer was answered through a knowing within myself that was prophetically intuitive, strengthening my hope that eventually I would see that kind, loving people did indeed exist in this world.

Our brains have an amazing capacity to compensate for loss of conscious thought through heightened senses much the way a blind person develops heightened hearing. Children are naturally intuitive anyway, utilizing soul driven senses we are all born with yet often lose as we become conditioned to look outside ourselves to authority to tell us how to live our structured lives.

It was as though I had been blasted into the most primitive parts of my brain whereby enhancing my intuition, psychic capabilities, telepathy, and energetic vibrational senses. This brain reaction is why abused children are often targeted for CIA studies into extra-sensory phenomena. 

In my case, however, it was my compartmentalized photographic memory and heightened sexuality from multi-generational incest that the CIA capitalized on. While my brain was still forming, more and more compartments were being deliberately created from extreme trauma. These compartments would later be programmed and accessed for White House/Pentagon level government black ops including delivering messages to and from various government leaders and drug lords, to being used as a sex slave and drug mule.


Muskegon, Michigan is nestled in the sand dunes of Pere Marquette Park. The wooded sand dune directly behind our new house in Bluffton had been established as a secluded spot for satanic rituals, which became as common in my life as those within St. Francis church. Drugs are often used in satanic ritual, and Lake Michigan’s Milwaukee Clipper was notorious for transporting them into various tourist areas like ours.

My father began using me as a currier for the drugs he would pick up from the Clipper, which I transported over the dunes to the Coast Guard Station, to my grandfather’s Masonic Lodge, or wherever else I was told to carry them. 

Nobody looked twice at a child carrying a heavy bag that appeared weightless as programmed. Distance was nonexistent with no concept of time, which was compounded by heightened endurance. In retrospect, why would anyone think it normal to see a child repeatedly walking for miles without pausing to play along the way? Mind control is an invisible menace, and back in the 1960’s people were not aware that it even existed let alone was being used on a child.

At school, I joined Brownies and Girl Scouts along with any other extra-curricular activity that might keep me away from abusers. Instead, I ended up marching in local parades alongside politicians like Ford and VanderJagt who were making a public appearance to their constituents. Worse, my scout uniforms became notorious attractants to pedophiles just like my Catholic uniforms would be in later years.

By this time, depersonalization had set in. I was dissociative of my own identity, and no longer even recognized myself in a mirror.  Years of sexual assault had caused dissociation from my sense of feel, and pain did not register in my brain. It was as though pain is an alarm system to alert us to something that is wrong, and my alarm system had been deactivated.

Since I was being systematically controlled, I was not capable of exerting subconscious pleas for help like other abuse survivors do through satanic attire, jewelry, clown hair and makeup, or tattoos and piercings.

Instead, I dressed provocatively, spoke precociously, and smiled with no micro muscle movements in face. My smile never reached my eyes, which were wide, unblinking, and dilated.

Without a sense of self, which my daughter referred to as being “without a within”, there is no soul expression. No moral compass. Compassion is replaced with shallow snap judgement, and emotion becomes as numb as the inability to feel pain

As a survivor heals and compassion returns, there may be a lack of critical analysis whereby they want to run into the fire to save a marshmellow. It is good to find focus for this aspect of the healing process, and the protection and unconditional love of a dog may be just the perfect SOULution. A dog needs food and water, which requires awareness and care. Telepathic communication can add to the healing process. 

With photographic memory and heightened endurance, I literally knew no limits. When I ran track, I won my 2 mile races. When I waterskied, I could slalom by the time I could walk. When I played piano, I was best in state. I had boxes of trophies that meant absolutely nothing to me because they were from a “forgotten past” and I had new orders to carry out now.

My daughter had been harmonically/technologically programmed in addition to trauma based mind control. She stood at attention in the White House and spoke like a robotic adult by the age of 2.

Age inappropriateness is a common sign of abuse, extending even further when compartmentalized memory disrupts a concept of time. Without a concept of time, the brain does not signal ‘normal’ aging.

Every victimization is individualistic, which coupled with mind control’s sliding scale, is why this invisible menace can be hiding in plain sight. What should have inspired people to question my circumstance may not apply to others.

Before computerization, cell phones, video games, and controlled media narrative directed everyone’s attention to march to New World Orders, my media was totally controlled by my abusers. It was understood that harmonics affect neuron pathways in the brain, and therefore all of my television, movies, and music were controlled in keeping with my conditioning. 

I was forbidden from listening to “hippie music” promoting freedom, and my television was dominated by Disney, the Wizard of Oz, and Alice in Wonderland as instructed.

Now with controlled media’s repetitive narrative and censorship, what I experienced on a personal level is being enforced on a mass scale for controlling the population.  Repetitive narratives trigger suggestible people to march to the latest distraction with no concept of why they are doing it. Video games have conditioned youth to action with no consequence or compassion. With computerization, social media, and cell phones, people have been further conditioned to shallow snap judgements through information overload of headline news.

Controlled media’s bombardment of repetitive traumas dumbed down and numbed down the population to the point where their own level of mind control made it more difficult for them to dare to care. Yet people have grown weary of relying on Big Gov, Big Pharma, Big Tech, Big Cult/Occult religion to fix our problems and protect our children from indoctrination and sexualization. People see that Big Authority is not helping us because they are doing it to us!

The Great Awaking is accelerating.

As people reclaim free thought, free will soul expression, they are regaining their soul source power of love and infinite strength of spirit. Humanity is evolving with knowledge that is our defense against mind control.

As people look within to real-eyes their own truth, they gain insight into the reality of mind control’s sliding scale that extends from torturous robotic MK Ultra mind control such as I endured to information control.

Mind control is hiding in plain sight yet is evidenced by mass shootings, indoctrination of children in education, people of extreme appearance marching in our streets to the latest repetitive media narrative without knowing why they are doing it, and child sex trafficking becoming the most lucrative business in the world. 

As I said in the beginning, children who are abused, sex trafficked, and controlled are easiest recognized by those who have experienced it. With so many of us waking up from varying levels of mind control these ‘daze’, we are all gaining eyes to see, ears to hear, and soul to recognize truth in others! 

Truth really does make us free. Truth frees us to make positive, necessary change for the children’s sake. Children who are sex trafficked need you to see, hear, and recognize their silent pleas for help. Know the signs. Dare to care.

Share this information everywhere. It is up to each and every one of us to arm each other with truth and Defund the New World Order: Stop Child Sex Trafficking!

PTSD: Time to Heal

Whether your traumatic experience peaks the top of PTSD’s sliding scale the way Cathy’s Pentagon level MK Ultra mind control programming did; or is from the horrors of war; or even if it is simply resultant from socially engineered information control and fears, this book is for you.