“It’s not what you remember that matters, it’s how you remember it,” Mark wisely told me as he handed me a pen to write out memory.
Mind control survivors are emerging in vast numbers these days, often inspiring me to reflect on Mark’s wisdom as I see them begin speaking out only to be triggered back in. Until a survivor heals on all levels through re-opening neuron pathways of repressed memory in their brain, they are still vulnerable, highly suggestible, and susceptible to being misled by others.
Many reach out to me wanting to know how I can speak out for 35 years without wavering or being triggered back in. When survivors say they wish they ‘had a Mark’ to help them, I always remind them that Mark did not deprogram me- he handed me keys to my own mind. True healing comes from within, and it is within us all to heal ourselves.
Indeed, HOW something is remembered is far more important than WHAT is remembered.
Reverberation of that powerful statement is why I am fully healed. Indeed, every survivor should “have a Mark” to encourage them with pearls of wisdom like this one! Reading ACCESS DENIED For Reasons of National Security aloud for a soon-to-be-released audiobook, I noted page after page of encouragements Mark gave me throughout my healing process that still lift me today.
What better way to celebrate the 35th anniversary of Mark’s 2-8-’88 rescue of my daughter and me from the Wash DC swamp than to share encouragements he gave me!
“You have to know who you are in order to have something to give in a relationship,” Mark told me, dodging my playful advances conditioned by heightened sexuality. “I don’t want you a piece at a time, I want all of you at once!” Love is the greatest healer and was the greatest motivation to literally “pull my head together and integrate.”
“Integrity comes with Integration”, and even the best of intentions cannot substitute full integration that comes through healing from within. “Healing is a process, not an event, so it is important to be gentle with yourself and celebrate freedom every step of the way.”
My brain was as compartmentalized as society is today with no inner-communication. Traumatic memory is repressed by neuron pathways shutting down in the brain through what is professionally defined as “the mind’s sane defense to trauma too horrible to comprehend.”
“It takes brains for this coping mechanism to even occur, which means you are smart enough to remember everything. “
I wasn’t sure I even wanted to remember details of events flashing on my mind’s screen, until Mark encouraged me. “You already survived it once. There’s no sense in you reliving it. It’s your memory, and you already know it. View your mind’s screen through the eyes of the part of you that endured it. Smell the smells. Then write it out.”
I began applying healing methods Mark taught me writing out my memory by hand (typing does not heal the brain the same way moving a pen does). Facing the reality of what I had been programmed to do under mind control was devastating. How could I ever live with myself?
“You are not responsible for what you were tortured to do under mind control,” Mark gently consouled me, “Now that you are aware, you are responsible for every thought and action going forward.”
Wow. Responsibility is the ability to respond, I concluded. The ability to think to choose action. I consciously decided my responses would be true-to-soul now that I had the ability to think for my self.
Still, I was fresh on my healing path and became frightened when I remembered who and what I had been exposed to. CIA MK Ultra White House/Pentagon level mind control was far from glamorous and only meant my abusers had “all the power and money in the world” as they so often boasted. It seemed there was “no place to run and no place to hide” as I’d been conditioned to believe.
“There is a place to run – right at them,” Mark assured me. “And you have no need to hide – obviously they do or they wouldn’t devote so much effort and money to cover-up.”
“The people who hurt you and Kelly may have Intelligence,” Mark furthered, “but they lack wisdom. They’re flat thinkers with no concept of the strength of the human spirit or the power of a mother’s love. There is no depth to their criminal minds, which is why wisdom outthinks a criminal mind every time.”
Through a series of illegal and immoral events under guise of National Security, my daughter was thrust into the corrupted so-called child protective services. I was devastated. I hear from many today who are experiencing the same thing and are seeking strength in order to effect the situation.
“If you continue to hopelessly grieve, “ Mark advised, “you won’t be helping Kelly. You’ve got to turn negatives into positives in order to relentlessly persist and give voice to Kelly’s needs. I suggest you find a way to turn your grief into motivation and let your love for her carry you forward for her sake.”
“Voice no negatives without a SOULution” helped lift me from immobilizing negativity.
“When you look through eyes of hope and trust in truth again, your vision will clear.”
Mark assured Kelly, “The wheels of justice grind slowly, but it always prevails because truth by its very nature never goes away. Truth lives a wretched life but always survives a lie. We won’t stop or be stopped until you see some justice. Remember, Kelly, ‘it’s not over ‘til we win.’ That will be our family motto. ‘It’s not over ‘til we win.”
Mark and I began publicly speaking in our determined effort to free Kelly from the grip of a corrupted system. This caught the attention of a group of psychiatrists and psychologists who were overwhelmed by the vast numbers of mind control survivors emerging in the early 90’s and they asked Mark and I to speak at their conference. I had just learned to think for myself. How could I speak to such a group?
“You’re giving voice to survivors like Kelly who can’t think to speak for themselves,” Mark wisely replied. “What would they want therapists to know so they can heal like you have?”
That’s when I realized it’s not ‘about me’. It’s about the power of a mother’s love and life’s purpose.
My experience under mind control taught me that without free thought, there is no free will, and without free will, there is no soul expression. No ability to live strength of spirit and stand for truth, peace, and freedom in light of love.
Strength of the human spirit is exactly what my politically affluent abusers fear most. Its where we win and where they lose. They cannot control our strength of spirit, only our expression of it through mind control. “Knowledge is our defense against mind control.” Truth really does make us free! It all seems so simple now.
“Truth is simple,” Mark would quip. “Lies are complicated.”
“They’ve underestimated all of us. Their arrogance will ultimately be their downfall.”
“The good guys already won, the bad guys just don’t know it yet.”
When Mark passed away in 2017, I lost my soul mate, my hero, and best friend. I made a conscious choice to honor him by living the strength he gave me and continue our shared life’s purpose of empowering others with truth.
“The greatest gift anyone can give is a good memory.”
Mark certainly gave me a good memory! Since I had written out all of the repressed traumatic memories of my past, my mind is filled with beautiful memories of him and love we shared. In my grief, I found that his love is still present within me and all the wisdom he taught me is there to recall anytime I choose. Love lives!
ACCESS DENIED For Reasons of National Security
ACCESS DENIED For Reasons Of National Security details our journey of survival to become US Government Whistleblowers, and is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and power of love.